Blog slacker and what I overheard at school

I haven't been blogging.  Obviously.  Instead I've been packing.  We found a new place to rent.  A WHOLE house.  It doesn't even have a basement and that makes me incredibly happy.  I think I'd be fine if I never stepped foot in another basement again.  It's a cute little house right across the street from Ava's elementary school.  She's so happy to get to walk to school.  We will be moving Saturday. 

I had a root canal today.  I have the worst teeth in the whole world.  I did go for a 8 year run without a single cavity after I married Brig.  But recently it's been nothing but bad news.  My dentist didn't do himself any favors when he told me that I must have had some country bumpkin dentist growing up because I had some weird dentistry going on.  Hey, I loved that country bumpkin dentist, I thought.  He called everyone kiddo and let us choose a prize after our appointments.  He also was very generous with the laughing gas...something you could learn from.  He likes to crack jokes and ask me questions when I have my mouth open like a yawning whale.  Yeah I know, it's not very flattering to compare oneself to a whale.  But I'm a renegade like that.  I shake my head or try to crinkle my eyes especially crinkly so he knows I find what he's saying amusing.  Here's something odd.  I've noticed before that there is a hot beverage machine in the waiting room.  It makes hot cocoa that's at least 500 degrees and the girls get all whiny that it's taking too long to cool down.  But anyway I saw a fellow patient open the bottom part of the cabinet today to reveal a mini fridge.  And lo and behold it was stocked with Coca Cola products!  I guess it keeps the good dentist in business. 

Before my root canal I ran up to Ava's school to stuff envelopes like I do each Monday.  I usually listen to a podcast as I work, but today I left my phone in my purse and didn't think about listening to anything besides the normal goings on of a school.  I overheard a heated discussion going on a short way down the hall.  It was between a student and teacher.  The teacher asked what was going on?  I didn't hear the girl's reply but it was something like abject oblivion.  The teacher then laid her accusations at the sheepish student's feet.  "Lucy told me you put Windex in my drink!  That's not okay!  Now go back to the classroom.  I'll be there in a minute."  The rest of the class had already entered the computer lab.  WINDEX!  In a teacher's glass!  That's one deviant pupil.  I've always said teachers should get paid more. 

Another reason I haven't been blogging is that I've been editing my story, The Tanglewood Tree.  It's rough.  Some days I think it's okay and others I have so many self doubts that I feel like just giving up.  I love to write.  When I'm in the story and the words are flowing from my imagination to the screen it's one of the most transcendent feelings.  It brings me such joy that even if nothing becomes of these stories I guess it's gift enough to have the experience of telling that story. 

Other highlights of my week:

My mom coming down over the weekend to help me pack.  I love her.  It was nice to have a bed companion who snores like me.  (Brig was on a scouting weekend). 

Ava being such a good example to me.  Her faith puts mine to shame. 

Brielle pooping on me.  I thought maybe letting her run naked around the house would nudge her in the direction of the special Mickey Mouse potty we bought for her.  Instead as I was going through notes Brig kept from college and tossing most of them she sad down on my lap, buried her head in my shoulder and apparently did her duty.  I didn't know it at the time.  I thought she was just snuggling.  Only when I pushed her away to stand up a few moments later did I realize I'd been crapped on.  I began screaming like a car alarm.  Pure shock.  This made Brielle panic and she grabbed me and in the process smeared poop across my cheek.  It was a mess.  Both of us and the carpet needed a good scrubbing.  It was Brielle's first shower and she bawled the entire time.  I love toddlers.  I love potty trained toddlers better. 

Easter and Whatnot

I downloaded these pics shortly after Easter.  And then I'm not sure what happened.  Ava was teasing Brielle.  Brielle was crying.  I turned into monster mom.  You know, life.  We had a great Easter.  Me and the girls stayed up with my parents for spring break.  We rode four wheelers, went swimming or sweating (you decide) at Lava Hot Springs, and just generally enjoyed being country girls once more.  It was too short.  And that's all I've got to say about that. 

A Recipe for Disaster

We were driving.  Houses blurring together outside of the window.  I was listening to a podcast about shaming people into doing what's right.  Freakonomics podcast.  I highly recommend it.  That's when it happened. 

"Mom, what's sex?"

My 7 year-old's voice sounds from the backseat.  Ah here we go.  I've been prepping for this day since she was born.  Determined to give her the information she needs without being embarrassed or ashamed of the topic.  Play it cool, Denise.  Play it cool. 

"Well, what do you think it is?" I ask.

"Hot." 

"What?" I ask.

"I think sex means hot." 

"I think you're thinking of the word sexy," I correct.

"Yeah it means a cute boy."

I wanted to leave it at that but Ava continues, "But what does sex mean?"

I guess we're doing this.  "Well, uh you know how boys and girls are different?"

"Yeah."

"Well what ways are we different?"

A long pause..."Boys have short hair."

"Yes, that's true.  Most do.  But what makes a boy different from a girl?"

"Boys don't have boobs."

"No they don't.  And they have different looking bums," I say resisting the urge to distract her with a trip to Baskin Robins and never speaking of this again. 

"Uh-huh," Ava agrees. 

I decide to change course.  "Well it's like...it's like a recipe."  Ava laughs.

"A recipe?" she asks incredulously. 

"Yeah.  Girls have an ingredient like flour.  And Boys have an ingredient like sugar.  And when you put them together it makes a baby."

I study Ava's confused face in the rear view mirror.  Clearly I'm making little sense.  Inside her mind she's seeing Brig and I in aprons in the kitchen baking up a batch of baby. 

"Girls have eggs.  We're all born with them and they won't come out until you start having your period."

"I have scrambled eggs inside me?!" Ava yells looking terrified. 

"No, no, no.  They aren't scrambled eggs.  You can't even see them they're so tiny.  Anyway, we have eggs and boys have something else and when you put them together a baby grows in your tummy," I say, sweat beads forming along my hairline. 

"I still don't get it.  Is that sex?"

"No.  I guess not.  It's like when you really love someone and you want to show them how much you love them.  You hug and kiss.  You only do it with your husband and it's a private thing.  You'll hear things on tv about it but that's not how it really is,"  I say lamely. 

"Like the one time I walked into your room and you and dad were kissing naked?" she asks, adding, "That was weird." 

I stare at her in the rear view mirror.  It's like a game of chicken.  Of course we've talked about this incident before but I've never named what it was she saw, only that it's what mommy and daddy do when they love each other. 

"Well, yes.  But it's nothing to be embarrassed about," I say trying to convince myself as well. 

"Oh."

I sit there hoping the conversation is done.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go get a shake at Arctic Circle?"

I exhale.  "Sure, sweetie."  

Bad Attitude

 

 My baby fell asleep while waiting for me to finish reading to Ava. 

This is how I feel lately.  Get me outta here, mom!  We were at a local bounce house place and they had a hurricane simulator.  Ava likes it.  I wasn't really paying attention to Bree.  I was chuckling as I snapped picture after picture of Ava and then looked down to see this face.  It was crowded that day too, so I'm sure there were parents watching this thinking what a great mother I was laughing my head off while my two year old is clearly distressed.  I let her out eventually. 

 Ava enjoyed it anyway. 

Look at that dirty little face.  She's started pulling this face and I just love it so much.  I'm surprised she did it for me.  She's camera shy sometimes. 

I need more fun in my life.  So I thought, you know they say blondes have more fun.  I tried it out on a phone app.  A friend informed me that my hair wouldn't actually go blonde.  It would probably end up orange.  Well poo.  I've never heard the saying that orange heads have more fun so I guess this little experiment is never getting off the ground. 

 He loves miso.  Also me so.  This is us on a date.  Brig wanted to try out a place called Takashi. 

It was a Monday night and it was super busy.  We waited a half hour for a table.  The atmosphere was nice.  Here's the thing though.  I'm not a big fish fan.  I do like sushi.  Just don't tell me what's in it.  I especially like it if it's fried, tempura style.  When we walked into Takashi it wreaked of fish.  I've never experienced this at any other sushi place.  It was foreboding. 

Brig posted this on instagram that night.  After sampling a couple of sushi rolls I threw in the towel and ordered some teriyaki chicken.  The still photo doesn't convey this but the chicken kabobs were dancing with joy, doing a regular Irish jig.  Next time I'm requesting our usual sushi place. 

Well Spring is here.  Whoop-de-do.  I've got a bad attitude.  Don't mind me.  Everyone else is excited about Spring and that's fine.  Bree is saluting a bunny decoration stuck in the ground. 

Brielle often hides from the camera.  Maybe she was a film star in a past life. 

 

Ava turns 8 this year.  Which means we are thinking about her baptism even though it is six months away.  I was into Costco and saw these dresses.  I snapped a few pics to show Ava who was at school.

 Not to be left out, little sister wanted to display her favorite dress. 

 

It wasn't enough to hold it up for me.  She wanted me to do the exact thing I had done with Ava's dresses.  Sibling rivalry is alive and well.  

I showed the dresses to Ava who said they were just okay.  We got online and surprise, surprise, the above dress is more of what she had in mind, veil and all.  Oh gosh.  She has a major princess complex.  I don't think we'll be getting this one.  The search continues.

One more story of note.  At Brig's work they offered health screening to their employees and spouses.  This involved coming in and having your blood drawn to see about your cholesterol and what not.  It wasn't required but they would give you a break on your monthly premiums if you'd have it done.  So off we went.  I wasn't thrilled.  Having my blood drawn is always a trial.  I have tiny deep veins and I've never had anyone just stick a needle in my arm and get blood on the first try.  This time was no exception.  After three tries, one in both arm and one in the hand the lady sent me to Wanda.

Wanda had short white hair cut in the pixie style.  She wore thick glasses that gave her a bit of a bookworm appearance.  She cheerfully got me situated and proceeded to stick a needle in my arm and dig around for a vein for about 90 seconds.  None of this was too remarkable except that while she is doing this she says, "Do you watch The Vampire Diaries?"  

I saw the irony in this immediately, grinned and told her I had watched the first soapy season with my husband but haven't watch the subsequent seasons.  She proceeded to fill me in on what I'd missed, revealing that one of the main characters is now a vampire when before she was not.  Eventually she struck gold and filled two vials with my hard won blood.  As I stood she said, "You better not tell your husband if he's still watching it.  I don't want to spoil it for him."  I assured her I wouldn't and walked out of there suppressing a chuckle.  I mean come on, a phlebotomist with a Vampire Diaries obsession?  It's good, right? 

I should be cleaning the kitchen but instead...

I'm watching this over and over and giggling every time.  I hate goats. 

February Frolics

I don't know why I titled this post that because we didn't really frolic a whole lot.  I think the last time I frolicked was three years ago when Brig and I thought it would be a good idea to roll down a hill with Ava.  Sick.  As.  A.  Dog.  Why does no one warn you that once you're over twenty-five that spinning and rolling messes up your head in a major way.  Both Brig and I laid there for a good ten minutes.  We both felt awful.  Ava got up and ran back up the hill and did it over and over again.  Aw youth.

 

Brielle doing her best John Wayne impression, "Young fella, if you're lookin' for trouble I'll accommodate ya."  

I've been looking into Brig and I's genealogy.  I've been looking for a common thread.  I don't know why I thought there would be one.  It's not like I wanted us to be related a few generations back.  I was just, curious I guess.  The closest I've come is finding two ancestors who were both at Haun's Mill.  There was a massacre there for those who don't know.  His great-great-and so on grandfather Thomas McBride was murdered there as well as my great-great-and so on uncle Benjamin Lewis.  My direct ancestor was there as well, but was not killed.  Also we both had grandfathers who lived in Richmond at the same time.  It would be nice to think they might have known each other, but who knows.  The search continues.... 

The long trek up north.  We drove up to Brig's parents house.  It takes us a little over an hour, but you'd think the girls had been trapped in the backseat for weeks.  Thankfully this trip they both slept most of the way.  Usually we get complaints from Ava around Layton.  "Are we there yet?!"  And poor Bree will just burst into tears and bawl until she's out of her car seat. 

For Valentines Day Brig and I picked up waffles to go from our favorite waffle place, Bruges.  They have a shop downtown.  But we frequent the Sugarhouse location.  It's far too convenient.  Brig picked me up from work that morning.  We ate our waffles while we got caught up on the shows that both of us like.  Then Brig went to work.  And that was our romance filled morning.

Sundays.  They are long and slow around here.  With no close family to visit we are cooped up inside.  I walked into the kitchen to find that the girls had deposited every last one of their dolls and stuffed animals in the corner of the kitchen.  Silly girls.

Ava and I shopping the dollar section in Target.  It's not often we get to go out just the two of us.  Bree was home napping with Daddy.  Kiss me, I'm Irish!  And English.  And Scottish.  And Norwegian.  And Swedish.  And Danish.  And Dutch.  And French.  And German.  And Swiss.  But you know...there's a part of me that Irish.

For President's Day we went bowling.  Bree lasted about five frames and then I chased her around the arcade while she pretended to play all the games.  But Brig and Ava got to bowl.

We went shopping at Costco.  Brielle saw this outfit and latched onto it.  The second we got home she wanted to put it on. 

This is the next day.  When she woke up she wanted to put on the same outfit.  Oh no.  We might have a situation on our hands. 

We went to Cookie Cutters and got both girl's hair cut.  The stylist put Ava's hair in two messy buns and then asked if she wanted sparkles in it?  BOY DO I?!  That's what she said.  Not in that way, but that was the emotion behind it.  In true girl style she said, "I hope they notice my hair is shorter at school on Monday."  Ava looks so much like Brig here!  No sparkles in his hair though.