An Unshared Poem

The Giving

I am a mother, young, determined, doubting

Who am I?  Who have I become?

I’ve grown apart from the girl I was

A girl with a laughing heart and a hopeful spirit

Slender at my waist, hips and breasts curving

Idealistic and full of romance for the world

I was first a wife

And then I was a mother

Trying to fit together the puzzle of my parts

There is a tugging that I am certain

Every mother before me has known

The mourning of one’s own self

Separate, possibilities to the left and right

Now are gone forever

My hips and breasts are wider and a little too full

My waist seems lost

 My eyes are tired, I feel old sometimes

Then there is my daughter, my heart

I carry her on my solid hips as I once did in my womb

My arms encircle her, she fills up my eyes

Here. Take them. I offer, for they are all for her

My hands always working for her - have them

I carry her in my soul - this is for you also I say

This is the secret of motherhood –- the giving.

The giving of all you have to your own blood

A sacred sacrifice most mothers do from the first breath

Where is that girl I once was?

In another life she’d be traveling, tossing her curls

And her inhibitions to the four winds

In my life I am a woman watching my daughter

With heart-stretching love I’ve never known

She presses her forehead to mine and giggles

I smell the milk on her sweet breath and giggle back

A secret just for us –- this giving

The gentle spring sun lights up her face

She tosses her curls and her inhibitions to the four winds

And runs free and laughing, arms outstretched to me

And this girl, this woman

This Mother opens her arms.

- Denise Cooper Smith -