Confessional

Item 1: When I was pregnant with my second daughter I'd keep a fresh loaf of French bread between the files in one of the drawers of my desk at work.  I'd slide that drawer out every so often, reach down and tear off a hunk of the pillowy soft bread, slink down in my seat and chow down behind the computer screen.  Mama was hungry.

Item 2: My friends liked to tell people it was my birthday every time we went out to a public place together...usually with boys on dates like the wagon ride up sardine canyon culminating in Lefty the singing cowboy forcing me up on stage and tricking me into kissing him - On.  The.  Lips.  What if that had been my first kiss?  How disappointing.  Far more disappointing than my actual first kiss in sixth grade with the boy I was "going with" by the pop machine at lunch in a mock wedding ceremony. 

Item 3: I often let people call me and my family by the wrong names instead of the awkward business of correcting them.  For example the manager at Lowe's referring to my husband as Greg the entire two years he worked there, or my neighbor/friend assuming Brielle's full name was Gabrielle and letting her call her that for a good six months before Ava corrected her while on a play date at her house.  Ava gets Eva sometimes while I'll gladly answer to Lisa, Darcie or Dawn. 

Item 4: In the early days of Facebook I decided I wanted to look up people from high school without actually joining so I set up a fake account with the exotic name I'd always desired - Monique.  Of course not wanting to go the full crazy I decided to use my last name Cooper.  Because that's just reasonable.  Not being very savvy I also put down my true hometown and birth date.  Boy was I surprised when I started getting friend requests from people I knew.  How did they know it was me???  Imagining them snickering behind their computer screens still makes me blush.  Remember that girl from high school?  Denise Cooper?  Her name's Monique now.

Item 5: David Copperfield magically switched my panties onstage with another girl about 14 years ago.  He never switched them back.

Item 6: I've read Scarlett - the sequel to Gone with the Wind about six times.  Written by a different author and peppered with a few naughty bits some say the sequel's not up to snuff.  Some people think too much.

Item 7: When I'm passionate about something I can get very single-minded to the neglect of everything else.  I'm looking at you Familysearch.org.  Damn you for making my kids eat off of the lids of Tupperware bowls because all the other dishes in the house were dirty because Mama spent a week trying to find Grandpa Craig in the Irish census of 1830. 

Item 8: I've thrown down a towel over the spot where my infant daughter peed on my sheets during a 2 AM feeding, laid down and gone directly back to sleep. 

Item 9: Most nights dinner consists of jelly sandwiches, mac and cheese, or spaghetti because my husband works evenings and really - what's the point?

Item 10: I watch Honey Boo Boo.  I know they are crude and an embarrassment to the good state of Georgia but I'll be danged if Sugar Bear and Mama June aren't a love story for the ages.