Time is a good teacher. Over the course of the last couple of years I have learned a lot from a little thing called Karma. Or what goes around comes around. I've never claimed to be perfect. I'm so not. But I am human, and like most humans I observe those around me and I make judgments. It's not for me to judge anyone. I know that.
There are many examples of situations that I made judgment calls on and then had to live through the same experience as that person I had judged. One that comes to mind sprang from my six year stint working retail.
As many of you know I worked for Lowe's for six stinkin' years. In that time period I came into contact with a variety of different people. A lesbian vegan from Oregon, a gay Mormon boy from Logan, a Southern woman that grew up in poverty and neglect, a physically abused alcoholic woman, and many, many, seemingly "normal" people. What I learned most from working there was that people are more alike than they are different. I became friends with most of the above mentioned people. Everyone of them was God's child and everyone of them had a unique story that shaped who they had become.
One particular woman was a challenge for me to get along with. And I pride myself on being able to get along with people. It wasn't that she was abrasive or difficult. In fact she was quite congenial. Very outgoing and vivacious. She was one of those that loved to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk. She was a single mother of three. Her ex was a drug addict. She often railed at the LDS church for how she felt that it's followers treated her. She also had naturally curly hair.
One day another co-worker of mine was talking about how this particular woman needed a makeover badly. I very ungenerously agreed. (Like I'm the fashion maven). We began talking about how her hair was frizzy and needed a bit of taming. So it would look good like mine, the co-worker complimented me. She suggested I talk to this woman about what type of product I use on my hair. We worked out a pre-planned conversation that we'd bring up in the break room while she was on her break and I'd "advise" her on how to do her hair. I know. I was a jerk. So we went through with our plan. She told me she just used a drugstore hair product. I scoffed and told her those don't work for me and I have to buy one from the salon to get my hair to look good. She didn't say much. I'm sure she wanted to slap me in my smug face.
This same lady was the first to come and see me from work after Ava was born. She brought gifts and oohed and awed over my baby. I've never felt so low in my life as when she came and visited me and I had thought so many negative things about her in the past.
Here we are in Salt Lake City. Rent is enormous and Brigham's salary is modest. This leaves very little left over for luxuries. The day I went to ShopKo and bought a drugstore gel reminded me of this woman who until the very last day I worked at Lowe's made a fuss over Ava and never said a mean word to me. And now I see. Karma loves me.
No one wants to be judged on how they appear to the outside world. The real story is on the inside of a person. There is a member in our ward who comes occasionally. I don't know her story, but it is obvious to everyone that she is seriously ill battling Anorexia. In the past I have thought that Anorexic women are obsessed with themselves and need to get over it. You know what though. That woman is not that different than I am. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. Very few women escape body image issues. To fill the hurts from my past I eat food in excess. To fill hurts in her past she abstains from food almost entirely. It's just another face to the same coin. I wanted to walk over to this woman and put my arms around her. I wanted to tell her she is beautiful. I want to weep for her.
These days I hesitate to judge those around me. Of course I still do it. But before I get too carried away with my self-righteousness I think about what they may have experienced in their lives. People have bad childhoods. People have bad marriages. People have mental illness. People have little money. But we're all people. People trying to make the hurt go away. People who need love. People who need friendship. Very few of us can say we've ever gained anything beneficial from other people's judgments.
