If a person could lose weight, by thinking about losing weight than I'd be a size 0 by now. A size -1 if that's even possible. Not that my goal has ever been to be super skinny. I'd just like my thighs and bum to divorce themselves from one another. It's an unholy union for sure, born of a sinister love for deep dish pizza and Coca-cola.
If you're a long time reader than you've been subjected in the past to my late night ramblings about my issues with food and body image. I usually have to post a follow up to assure everyone I'm not on suicide watch. Yes, being overweight makes me feel bad. It makes me uncomfortable to be around other people. It makes me bitter. In a nutshell it makes me miserable. If you're like my husband with a very logical brain you then think to yourself...then why don't you do something about it?
Good question, Dr. Phil. I've been trying to figure that out myself. Since the first year after I got married and went in for my annual check-up at the OB/GYN and the nurse practitioner became alarmed at my thirty-five pound weight gain in a year I've been "trying" to lose weight. I can say I have honestly tried several times to lose weight. And I've done the opposite at other times. Making my efforts very counter productive to say the least.
In the past I've taken the "exercise like hell and eat whatever you like" approach. Excepting my bountiful bosom that makes jogging a nightmare, I don't mind working out. I do get bored though with a workout eventually. I did step aerobics and Tae Bo in high school. Billy Blanks' muscular thighs and drenched bald head are practically burned into my psyche.
Don't forget the many ankle injuries caused by one false move off the step aerobics step of doom. In fact when I was dating Brigham I had to limp to his mexi-green truck one evening after a graceless fall during a fateful step aerobic workout. That night on my parent's doorstep he instructed me in the basic practice of R.I.C.E. No, that's not an acronym for post date hanky panky, although at the time I remember wishing it were. Rest Ice Compression Elevate. Brig took one look at my elephantine ankle and gave me that very helpful, but unromantic piece of advice. If I had said what I was thinking I would have told him all about the benefits of K.M.Y.F. or Kiss Me You Fool. But he was a returned missionary at the time. Fresh off the plane from Venezuela with that same suave side part haircut and a new found hatred for rice and beans. Apparently rice and beans is the official dish of Venezuela. Point is it took him a while to get around to kissing me.
In recent years I've done Turbo Jam. The music is supposedly "Slammin" and the instructor is certifiably too peppy for her own good. But for a while I enjoyed the challenge of learning the choreography and improving my tolerance for intensely blond middle-aged instructors still clinging to her old cheerleader days of glory. Fifteen pounds lost later I was bored out of my mind. Uncle! I give, I give. Yes, Chalean your workouts are effective but if I have to listen to you proclaim how much you love this 90's hip hop song one more time I think I'll roundhouse my foot right into your tanned face and then my husband would really be mad because he'd no longer be able to watch football on the t.v. because there is a size 8 sneaker-shaped hole smashed through the screen.
It's obvious that the exercise lots, eat more approach is not effective. Especially because I slack off and exercise none, and still eat more. And if I really want to be healthy this approach is not good for my specific set of genetics. Cooper and Heart Problems might as well be one and the same.
So where do I go from here? I'm trying the old exercise and eat moderately approach. My initial goal is ten pounds. Believe me I need to lose a lot more than that, but in the past I've always become overwhelmed when I think about the amount of weight I need to lose. So yep, ten pounds is it for now.
I'm also trying to reduce my caffeine intake by nixing my bottle of Coke every other day. Baby steps. I'm starting off my exercise by doing a free weight program with, who else? Chalean from Turbo Jam fame. It's about 35 minutes of weights five days a week. I am also going to be walking and doing some aerobics on video. Eventually I'd like to have enough confidence to go to Zumba classes at the local rec. center. I hate obsessing over calories, but I'm going to shoot for 1500 calories per day. I'm sure it will vary with my mood.
And lastly I wanted to list a reason why I want to lose weight with every Wednesday post.
BECAUSE SWEAT PANTS ARE NOT AN ANY OCCASION TYPE OF APPAREL. MY PRE-PREGNANCY JEANS AWAIT!
4 comments:
you are so funny. roundhouse Chalean. haha. that would be good exercise too. :) i know you can loose 10 pounds! you can do it!!!
Prior to me getting pregnant and barfing every time i stood up, i was going to an aerobics class put on at our church. The girl that led us works at Golds and has not an ounce of fat on her body (too skinny for me and my hubbys tastes) but my point is she knows what she is doing. At the end of every class she reminded us that weight management is only 10% working out and 90% what you eat. i can only imagine how boring her food routine is. Anywho, exercising is great and our bodies needs it and obviously it aids in weight loss, but what we eat is really huge. Now that i read this comment it might seem counter productive. I don't want to discourage you. Just in response to the exercise lots, eat lots. The reason it doesn't work is because a lot of the time we don't have the hours in the day to exercise off all our calories if we are not being vigilant about how many we put into our bodies. Counting calories and watching what we eat sucks, but it has been the only thing that has ever worked for me. And 1500 calories seems kind of low... im just going to email you.
OH Denise I have been "trying" to lose weight the last 2 weeks and I am down 8 pds.....but it has been interesting what is taking place.....I will email you.
Maddie...don't leave me hanging. You tempt me with the secret of an 8 pound weight loss in two weeks and then fall silent? Come on, I need to know.
Post a Comment