Pictures from an iphone

I noticed Brig had downloaded these pics to our computer.  Thought I'd share.

 Just minutes old.  What a day that was.  This pic. makes me sad.  My baby is big now!

 Bree never did reach the proportions that Ava did, but still had some chub on her. 

A Dystopian Society and a Gothic Mystery

I've been reading a lot lately.  The cord to our computer was frayed and so it's been out of commission for a couple of weeks.  Sad that my computer has to break for me to read more. 

I read a lot of different genres.  Probably the only genre I really don't care for is horror writing because I have a very active imagination as it is and I don't need that stuff in my brain.  Same reason I don't watch horror movies.  Last week I read The Distant Hours by Kate Morton.  She is an Australian author who has two other books I've read.  Her novels are usually set around turn of the century with some deep seeded family secret that lives on to affect contemporary members of the family. 

The Distant Hours jumps back and forth from present day to WWII England.  Edie Burchill lives in London, working for a small publishing firm.  She is thirty years old and has just broken up with her boyfriend of six years.  Her relationship with her parents is strained and Edie has always felt she doesn't quite fit in with her family.  When a lost letter arrives for her mother it sends her on a journey to discover the young woman her mother once was and the mystery surrounding the Blythe sisters who live in Milderhurst Castle.  The Blythe sisters once took Edie's mother in as an evacuee from London's blitz but Edie's mother seems hesitant to speak of her time there and her friendship with the youngest Blythe sister, Juniper. 

The story unwinds, slowly revealing the character's secrets and motives.  I enjoyed this novel immensely.  Kate Morton has a wonderful knack for description and transports you easily to another place and another time.  I think of her three novels, this is my favorite by far.  It reminded me of Rebecca, which I read in middle school and loved. 

I also finished Divergent by Veronica Roth.  If you enjoyed The Hunger Games, you may have no doubt heard of this book.  Like THG, it is also set in a future America where a great war has left it's inhabitants in a decaying city (Chicago) with different factions co-existing with one another.  There are five schools of thought and at the age of sixteen you must take an examination that suggests which lifestyle you will be most suited to living.  If you choose a different faction than the one you've been raised in then you leave your family behind, never to associate with them again. 

Beatrice Prior has been raised in a strict, household that, like all their neighbors, values selflessness and modesty above all else.  When Beatrice receives the results for her examination she finds that she is in grave danger because of what she is.  Having been deemed "divergent" she must strive to hide her test results while deciding if she will follow her heart or stay loyal to her family in a lifestyle that makes her miserable. 

Although turned off by the initial premise of The Hunger Games, I eventually read and really liked that series.  With Divergent I had no such conflict.  The pace of the book is fast moving, the main character is very likeable, and there is some romance of the adolescent kind.  No love triangle, which is kind of refreshing.  I read this book in a day and a half...you can imagine how neglected my housework is.  The second book in the series, Insurgent, is due out May 1st.  I haven't bought a book in a while and I think I will buy this one since there are already 75 people on the wait list at the library. 

I'll also give a shout out to a book I read at the beginning of the month.  It was called A Heart Like His by Virginia Pearce.  Virginia Pearce is President Hinckley's daughter, FYI.  It's a short book and the main gist of the material is keeping your heart open to those around you as well as those who may need you that you would normally overlook.  A lot of the time I have a tiny shriveled heart like The Grinch.  I am suspicious of those around me and their motives.  I'm not sure I've always been this way and it makes me sad to think that I have built walls around my heart to keep others out who might exploit or hurt me.  I want to work harder to be more positive and see the goodness in others.  Case in point....

When I first moved back to SLC after my five month hiatus from my marriage I was naturally hesitant of the kind of reception I would receive back in my old ward.  I hadn't made any deep friendships to begin with and was afraid I would be judged for my leaving my husband as well as getting knocked up and moving back, talk about a double whammy!  Shortly before I left, a family had moved into the ward.  She was angelic, beautiful and had a deep faith that you can just feel.  Her husband had proclaimed his undying love for her at the pulpit!  At the pulpit I tell you!  He was a successful producer for a local firm that does commercials and has branched out into movies.  I remember the day I told the Primary President that I was leaving, this woman, who was second counselor in the Primary at the time had walked towards me with such concern in her eyes and asked if everything was okay.  I remember bursting into tears and rushing out of the church house. 

While I was away my husband had become good friends with her husband.  When I came back, as I said I was afraid.  I didn't want to go to church and have people looking at me, after all no one really knew me and it would make it that much easier to judge me.  I was a coward and stayed home from church.  I just couldn't do it.  After my husband got home we were relaxing, watching t.v.  A knock came at the door and there she was.  A bright smile on her face and a bag of cookies in her hands.  She told me she was so happy I was back, and that she looked forward to getting to know me better. 

My reaction? Anger.  Cynicism.  I remember being fairly cool with her.  Thanking her for the cookies before I closed the door behind her.  I went into the other room and bawled.  Bawled my eyes out.  I was someone's project.  And not just anyone's project, but this beautiful woman who seemed to have it all together.  She pitied me, and nothing is worse than someone pitying you.  Later I tried to work out why I had reacted in that way.  Was my heart so hard that even someone being genuinely nice to me made me question their motives?  I wasn't proud of the way I reacted.  Who does that?  "Here's some cookies...let's be friends...."   "Thanks you jerk now get the heck out of my house!"

I have since apologized to her for being less than grateful that day.  She shrugged it off as if it were nothing, as gracious as ever.  After getting to know her better she truly is just a good person.  She hadn't pitied me, she just wanted me to know she was there for me recognizing that things may have felt uncomfortable for me.

I had closed my heart to her that day.  How often do I find myself closing myself off from others who want to get to know me, or to those who like me, needed a friend during a difficult time.  People nine times out of ten will tell you they're fine if you asked them even if they're not.  I believe that if we practice keeping our hearts open, with empathy and love and without judgement of those around us that we will have experiences that will blow the doors off of tiny shriveled hearts like mine.  I'm still working on it.  As much as my hermit side desires to just stay in my little world, not having to negotiate messy relationships with others I also know that we seek to be connected to others and we do it because we need them and they need us.  Anyway, I'm sure most of you are not freaks and weirdos who want to spit in someone's face when they bring cookies to your door, but if you feel like you close yourself in sometimes and it bothers you then you should read this book.  It can only open your eyes to those who may be hurting or who may need someone to talk to, and that above all else is why we are put together on this earth so that we can love and support one another. 

I've went long again.  Sorry.  I can't help it.  Pick these books up if you're sick of the daily grind.

Very Belated Weight-Loss Wednesday

For those of you without 20/20 vision it reads: BE PROUD You've Earned this merit badge in honour of your special knack for: falling off the wagon.

If you're savvy you've probably noticed I've been avoiding my weekly "weight-loss" post.  Listen I started off at the front of the wagon, and gradually got jostled to the back where I then proceeded to slide off the back.  I clung to the wagon with one hand while I drained a 32 ounce Coca-Cola with the other.  Then two weeks ago I fell flat on my face.  Looking up I saw the wagon pressing onward without me.  I looked around to find myself in forests of Red Vines and rivers of soda. 

So what now?  This is usually where I give up.  I tell myself I can't do it.  Food is my drug of choice and you can't avoid food as it's kind of necessary for survival.  And yet...and yet I know that there is a better life out there for me.  A healthier, balanced life. 

On Tuesday my husband, who is practically driving that stupid wagon, got up and suggested we go for a run at Sugar House Park.  I can't remember the last time I ran for longer than thirty seconds.  But I agreed.  So we packed up the girls and drove to the park.  I'm tired of all my songs on my ipod so I left it at home.  Plus there was one time when I thought Brig was walking with Ava behind me while I ran the rest of the loop at Liberty Park.  I was jamming out to some song and people keep giving me strange looks.  Finally a woman waved her hands as if she was signaling a helicopter on a desert island and pointed behind me.  I turned to see Ava sprinting behind me, tears streaming down her face.  She was yelling, "Wait Mom!  Wait for me!"  It was kind of embarrassing.  I blame Brig. 

I wasn't sure how this was going to go.  Ava was on her scooter and Brielle was in her stroller.  We soon encountered what is usually a big road block when I'm working out alone...Ava whining.  As luck would have it we saw a neighbor boy in her class playing at the park.  Ava no longer wanted to ride her scooter around the park, she now wanted to go and play with Hudson.  How fortuitous that I had my husband along.  He motioned me onward as he dealt with Ava's fluctuating emotions.  I really started to enjoy myself as I got my breathing in sync.  Dare I say...fun?  Well maybe I wouldn't go that far, but it had been a long time since I had jogged and it felt kind of good.  Believe me I'm never going to be some running star.  I'm just not built for it.  Some days it is nice to have the wagon master spurring you onward.  Other times I wish he'd confess a craving for pastries.  Men.

Brielle at 15 Months

It's funny when you've been living your life and someone comes along and it's like you can't fathom how you've survived without their presence in your life.  I suppose each child that comes into a family is like that, for me I feel as if I've known Brielle for a very long time, and yet here she is just fifteen months old. 

This is her camera shy face.  She covers her mouth and squints her eyes.  She is generally not shy, at least not Ava shy.  Ava tried to climb my leg every time someone came around she wasn't familiar with. 

You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but she has a very big personality.  Very forceful when she wants something.  One day she did something at home that was a no-no and Ava said, "She thinks she's the boss around here."  I had to agree.  She does think she's the boss.  And she kind of is. 

She's been imitating a few words.  She says - busy, busy bee! and baby and yum-yum.  She won't leave the house without a raggedy looking doll from Ava's toddler hood and her silver and pink purse.  She is almost running.  She fell and skinned her knee the other day and got back up without even a whimper.  She copies everything that Ava does.  She loves to have shoes on her feet.  She is constantly bringing me her shoes to put on if they are off.  She wants to be outside all the time.  She is terrified of dogs.  She loves to be read to.  Her favorite book is Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes, with Mercer Mayer's The New Baby close behind.  She loves fruit, especially peaches and pears.  She doesn't care for meat.  We can never make it through a full sacrament meeting.  We are always prowling the halls.  She shares well with other babies.  Besides me, her daddy and Ava, Grandma Debbie is her favorite person.  If you make her mad she will scratch your face with her fingernails, or pinch your arm or leg.  If you are sad she will come and hug you.  I love my Bree-Bree.  I can't believe I managed twenty-nine years without this little person in my arms. 

Two Sisters

I love Easter.  It really is my favorite holiday.  There is so much hope wrapped up in it.  Here's a few pictures I took of the girls yesterday. 

Ava's a big tree climber.  Brig has to boost her up to this tree.  I've also found her on the roof in the backyard before.  Definitely not like me.  I love my girls.  They drive me absolutely nuts some days, but others I just sit and look at them interacting and feel happy to be alive and to be their mom.  Happy Easter!