True Story

I'm just getting over what may or may not have been the swine flu. I figure it was payback for cracking numerous bad jokes about the Swine Flu and before that the Bird Flu. In both cases my husband lectured me on how serious the situation was and I shouldn't joke about the (Ba-Gock!) Bird Flu.

I was stricken while staying with my parents and when it became clear I was not well - fever 1o2.5, splitting headache, wishing for a head amputation - I was subjected to my husband and my father arguing over who was going to keep me while I was sick. My husband pleaded with me to stay the heck away and my dad kept offering to take me home. Thank heavens for mothers! My Mother stepped in and insisted she take care of me and my daughter while I alternated between chills and sweating on the couch.

While my mother is indeed a saint I couldn't help remembering an extremely awkward and self-esteem damaging phone call between us when I was in the throws of yet another cold. The phone call in question happened a couple of years back. It goes as follows:

Ring, ring, ring.

Me: "Hello?"
Hesitant pause.
Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Is Denise there?"
Me: "Mom, it's me."
Mom: "Denise?"
Me: "Yes, Mom it's me, Denise."
Mom: "Oh! I thought you were a man. (insert my Mom's audacious laugh here) I wondered what man you had over, because I knew it wasn't Brig."
Click.
Mom: "Denise? Denise are you there?"

I admit to be self-conscious about my deeper voice. Lawsies, add it to the list, right. But apparently when I have a cold my own mother believes I must be having an illicit affair with a strange, deep voiced man before she recognizes the voice of her beloved daughter.