Orange Julius Recipe

There are a handful of recipes that I have memorized, this is one of them.  I've been making it since I was 13 or 14.  I've been buying a lot of orange juice concentrate lately just for this recipe.  Ava is a little tyrant when it comes to this.  Just a couple of weeks ago she held my phone hostage with my mother on the line until I agreed to make it for her right then.   

One day when I was 15 or 16 and had apparently had a rough day at school I came home and decided to make orange julius.  Now most people who know me well will not be surprised by this story.  First thing I did was take a butter knife and tried to work half of the orange juice concentrate out of the can.  It was super frozen and was not budging.  After a few good college tries and a few cuss words under my breath I proceeded to inflict my mom's prized glass blender with the wrath of the butter knife wielded by my furious hand.   Blinded by my rage I did not think to consider what the result of a metal knife colliding with glass over and over again would yield.  Suddenly the blender was in shards scattered around the kitchen counter.  

Immediately all anger went out of me and my oh crap instinct shot through my body like electricity.  There was no hiding it.  I faced the music when my mom got home from Logan.  It was one of the few times she acted thoroughly put out at me.  I blame this episode of violence and subsequent acts of violence on inanimate objects on the Clark/Carlsen gene passed on from my Grandpa Denzel.  Heaven knows how many household objects have come to a quick end at the hands of my normally gentle grandfather.  My mother has also known the satisfaction of a broken vacuum flying through the air out the front door and onto the front lawn.  That will show it, Mom.  I've also seen her stomp the life out of a wide brimmed gardening hat.  I tried not to laugh.  She was pretty angry.  One time I chucked the Xbox remote control against the wall while Brig was at work.  Of course once again I failed to have the foresight as to what would happen and was left awestruck as it burst against the wall raining down pieces of plastic confetti.  I panicked and like a guilty Xbox murderer I booked it over to Fred Meyer's to purchase a new one so as to cover my tracks.  I ended up confessing the very same night.  I felt bad.  I could go on and on about the things I've broken in my childish tantrums but I'll stop there.  I'll let you recover a bit from the shock that I am not a perfect person. ;)  Oh and don't be concerned for the children.  I take my Zoloft daily now. 

Oh right, I was going to post the orange julius recipe.  Sidetracked.  Sorry.  

Orange Julius

1/2 can of orange juice concentrate

1 Cup Milk

1 Cup Water

1/4 or 1/3 Cup sugar (depends on how sweet your tooth is)

a cap-full of vanilla extract

10 ice cubes

Add everything to the blender, except for five ice cubes.  Blend until ice is crushed.  Then add remaining five ice cubes and blend until smooth.  Enjoy.  It's quite delicious and tasty if I do say so myself.  A good tip is to run the top of the can of frozen orange juice concentrate underneath warm water for a few seconds for easier removal.  It may just save your mother's blender. 

Oh and here are a few shots of me and my sweet little succubus (after I typed this I looked up the meaning and it was in no way what I was trying to convey, I will never again call my suckling child a female demon who seduces men.  Girl Scout's honor) girl taken by moi.  All I'm going to say is there are times when I look at a picture taken of myself and realize as if I am seeing myself for the first time how incredibly pale I am.  Give me some fangs and I'm practically vampiric.  I call this series of pictures A Vampire and her Succubus. 

If I knew anything at all about photoshop the above photo would be a likely candidate for adding on protruding fangs.