Life is Beautiful

I was driving down our street today.  I had ducked out to go and get a cold beverage while my girls were eating lunch and my husband was watching Netflix.  Sometimes I have to snatch moments for myself, with no little hands grasping at me.  The night before I had watched my girls dancing in the sprinklers and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude came over me.  I wanted to run inside and grab my husband and say, "Look how lucky we are!  We are their parents."  I didn't.  I just smiled and watched them in the fading light. 

To be honest, those moments are few and far between.  I fluctuate between adoring those little girls to wanting to throttle them.  With Ava out of school the three of us are together constantly.  I left them with a friend briefly to go to the dentist last Friday.  It was like I was at the spa.  I was disappointed when my appointment was shorter than expected.

Lately I feel as if a fog has lifted from off of my soul.  I've talked openly about my struggles with depression.  I still take Zoloft daily.  But for the first time since my youth I feel truly content and happy.  I've been writing a lot.  Poems and stories.  It lights me up in a way that nothing else does.  I'm trying to appreciate where I am at in my life.  Instead of looking back or looking forward I am more in the moment with my kids, with my husband. 

I see more beauty in the world than ever before.  The trees swaying in the wind, a robin hopping across the grass, the way the dew looks like diamonds on the leaves of the ground cover in the mornings...everything tells me that God loves me.  That I matter to Him.  That the work I am doing right now, the daily grind of taking care of young children will make a difference in their lives.  I hope everyday that they know how much them being in my life has changed me for the better.