Flight From Death

I watched this documentary on Hulu this weekend.  It's thought provoking and disturbing.  Based on the research of social psychologist Ernest Becker and his theory on death anxiety it explores the behavior of individuals and cultures.  I think it's particularly relevant to what is happening in the world today. 

It's main point is that as intelligent life forms we are acutely aware that we will die, and because we have this great life instinct and fear of the unknown, in this case death, we buy into a social construct that protects us psychologically from death.  In some cases that means we believe in an afterlife and an indestructible soul, in others it means we pledge ourselves to an idea or a symbol of what we believe we are...such as a nation.  When we are confronted with "others" who do not believe in the same things we do we feel threatened.  First we try to explain away their belief as crazy or illegitimate.  If we feel too threatened we fight back.  For some they sacrifice their own life so that their social construct i.e., nation or religion will survive and that makes it worth their life. 

This is what makes long lasting peace so hard for human beings.  Instinctively we feel threatened by people who are not like us.  Yet we all feel love, pain, happiness.  That's what makes us alike, and yet when we make war on others we discount the people who die as mere animals who didn't deserve to live because they didn't believe as we do.  You see this from all sides nowadays. 

Contrary to what you'd think, the researchers are not advocating that you become an atheist who believes this life is all their is.  A faith system actually makes you healthier psychologically, but with that you have to couple a realistic attitude that we will all die.  If we remind ourselves we will die and make peace with it, regardless of if you believe there is life after death, then you can release yourself from the anxiety of living a full life.  You can be more empathetic to those around you.  You can see the common life experiences that happen to all of us.  And maybe it doesn't matter as much if someone else believes exactly the way you do anymore.  You take your life and you live it. 

I read a book recently that really put things in perspective for me.  It stated that regardless of what you believe, the best we can do in this life is to love to our full potential.  If I remind myself everyday that all that matters is how well I love those around me, then little things that used to stress me out like if the dishes are all clean, or if my daughter's room is picked up, or how much money my husband brings home...those things no longer matter.  No one is going to remember you because you were a great housekeeper or you were able to have sports cars sitting in the garage.  The only thing that matters is love.  And I know that sounds corny and quasi-hippie, but it really is the truth.