I Have Some Sad News Mom...

See this face...the one that looks so innocent?  Actually I think she was just squinting into the Yellowstone sun in this one.  Oh well.  I couldn't find a picture of her looking sad, or innocent. 

At about 2 P.M. today a feeling of overwhelming tiredness overcame my prego body and if I didn't lay down right then I might have keeled over with fatigue.  Growing a baby is hard work.  So I say to my little girl, "Let's me and you snuggle together in my bed and we can both have a snooze."  She was game and I was surprised, but I wasn't going to argue with her.  So we lay down and she tosses and turns for a while and then informs me she is going to go and lay down in her own bed.  Smart girl.  At this point I promptly fall asleep.  Ava promptly sneaks into the living room to watch cartoons. 

When I wake up a half hour later I'm in need of an ice cold beverage.  So I look in my meager change purse and wonder at how fast my stash of quarters has seemed to dwindle.  But all that matters is I have a buck.  So Ava and I drive to get my beverage.  On the return trip home Ava suddenly speaks up in a quiet voice:

"Mom...I have some sad news."

"You do?"

"Yeah.  While you were laying down today I took some money out of your purse."

"Ah, then that explains it.  I thought I was missing some quarters.  Did you take my quarters?"

"Mom, I took lots of money."

I giggled.  "Thank you for being honest with me, Ava.  You're such a good girl."

"I thought you'd be mad."

"Next time just ask me if you want some money out of my purse."

"Well, you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you."

I love that little girl.  She is so much fun.  And really her stealing my quarters or lots of money is really just payback for all the times I took quarters out of my Dad's quarter jar to go and get a Coke out of the pop machine.  Only I never told him.  That's my confession for the day.  Sorry Dad.

Born Enough

I've wanted you for so very long now
Felt you just out of my reach
At times I felt a phantom handprint
Right where a child's might be
And now you're so close, so very close
I can't wait to see your sweet face
To wonder at the innocence in your eyes
A time to feel purified and new
You sweet breath so reassuring on my neck
Your warm weight in my arms
Your overwhelming need for me
And this time I will not doubt
I will not be afraid
I can't offer perfection
But I offer my whole self
Can I confess to you a shameful thing?
I've never felt like enough for anyone
And now I know I was wrong
Have always been wrong about that
I am enough
I was born enough
And so will you be
Just like your sister
No one is born broken
It's a lie that the world whispers over and over again
Until one day you believe it
Never believe it
You will come to us
Exactly how you were meant to
And that will always be enough

- Denise Cooper Smith

The Time is Far Spent

I am home from church early because my daughter was trying to pull off her fancy purple dress in sacrament meeting.  She was whining and in tears about a seam in the side that was itching her.  So we had two choices:  Try to prove a point that we stay in church no matter how uncomfortable we may be (haven't I faced down this same demon in the form of control top nylons?) or I put us all out of our misery and go home and set my daughter free of her itchy dress.  So I did the latter.  Of course the third alternative was to let her become a Mormon Nudist.  Something I'm pretty sure is paradoxical. 

Anyway, I just had to share that, plus something I thought was kind of funny.  Our relief society lesson went too long and we only had time to sing the first verse to the closing hymn.  The hymn: The Time is Far Spent.  Hehehe.  That's all.

Things My Daughter Says

The things a four year old says delights me to no end.  She makes me laugh so much.  My mom is always telling me to write down the things she says in a journal so I can remember them later.  Since I don't really keep a journal I thought I'd write them down here.

Recently we were in my bedroom folding clothes.  I was listening to music and she was sitting on the bed looking at books.  When a particularly groove worthy song came on I started dancing...well I thought I was dancing.  This is how that went:

Ava: "Mom what are you doing?"

Me: "Dancing."

Ava: "Oh, I thought you needed to go potty."

Another conversation on the topic of hair went this way:

Ava: "We both have curly hair, right Mom?"

Me: "Yeah, but yours has gone straighter over the past year.  You're lucky.  You'll be able to do your hair curly or straight.  It looks just right with your face."

Ava: "I think your hair would look good on a Black lady."

Me: "You're right.  A lot of Black people do have curly hair."

We went and got flu shots last weekend.  Since Ava hasn't had any shots since she was 3 years old she couldn't remember what a shot felt like.  She asked if it would hurt and I told her it probably would a little bit.  She said she'd be a brave girl and hold onto Daddy's hand and her Barbie's hand too.  Well she did fine, except for looking a bit betrayed when the shot went in and it was painful.  She wouldn't let Brig or I hug her afterward as if we were somehow complicit in letting her get hurt right in front of us.  Later she said, "You know Mom, the worst part about the whole thing was when he poked me in the arm with the shot."  I don't know but that made me laugh and laugh. 

Then just the other day I was talking about how much I love her no matter what.  The little sweetheart replied, "I'll love you no matter what."  Then she looked particularly enlightened and said, "Even when you don't look pretty, Mom."