One day while I was very pregnant I decided to relish a day out shopping around by myself. There are many things I like to do alone but shopping has to be my number one. I know it contradicts the universal theory that woman like to shop in packs but it's one of those things I just can't change about myself. If I had only grasp how deliciously delightful shopping without a child was back then I would have been out everyday, strutting my gestating stuff browsing local merchant's wares. But alas, like my blissful ignorance on how many different types of poops can be be produced from one baby I did not know that soon I'd be packing around a 30 pound carrier and child, ducking into dressing rooms to lactate at said child's convenience.
I don't know what it was about being pregnant but I felt very, very good about myself. I know. I should have been lamenting my barn-like size but I really loved my body through my pregnancy. Something about knowing my body was serving a higher purpose really made me release my usual self-consciousness about my body. Of course I wasn't walking around in a bikini mind you. Oh, I just had a picture of Minnie Driver frolicking in some exotic locale fully prego and wearing an itsy bitsy bikini flash in my mind, curse you US WEEKLY! Anyway so on this particular day I got ready as normal. I was doing laundry that day and shortly before I left I had to stop getting ready and throw the clothes in the dryer.
I enjoyed myself as I leisurely shopped around Logan. I kept noticing people doing double takes as I walked past them and it was doing wonders for my self-esteem. It just goes to show that when my naivete combines with my vanity that I make regretful errors in judgement. For example, and this is totally random...when people are staring at you it must mean that you're looking particularly attractive, not freakish in any way. Freakish. Me? Never. So I went to Borders and was revelling in the hundreds of books just waiting to be browsed when Ava kicked my bladder. I waddled to the restrooms passing a Border's employee and smiled knowingly as she smiled back, smile fading a bit and then scrutiny appeared on her face and then she smiled again. Oh yes, I was rocking it today! That one had studied me like Michaelangelo must have studied an exceptionally beautiful piece of granite. I hauled butt into the restroom. Took care of business and came out to peer at my face, the face that had been turning heads all day.
Hmm. Something was not quite right here. I brought my face closer to the mirror, scrutinizing it in quite the same manner the employee had just moments before. I gasp suddenly as I realized much to my horror that I was only half done up. That's right. Mascara on one side, zip on the other. Even my blush looked darker on one side. It was a virtual before and after in the beauty world. All I can think is that when I put clothes in the dryer I had forgot to finish my face. I cowered in the bathroom debating on whether I should run to the nearest grocery store and pick up a tube of mascara and apply it in their bathroom. But I gave in to the sinking feeling of humiliation and donned my sunglasses as I hustled out of the store. Shoppers were left wondering if I was a victim of abuse, but that one employee knew the truth. Her with that smug smile, she knew I had just forgot to apply mascara to both sides and startingly resembled Two-Face off of Batman. I drove my hot expectant self back to my house where I holed up with some chips and salsa and some Unsolved Mysteries for the remainder of the day.
This story reminded me that I am loving my new mascara. I'm on a constant quest to find the perfect mascara. My two genetically blessed sisters have snuffleufagus eye lashes, and I say that with admiration and a tinge of envy, but where the Good Lord was generous with the eyelashes to them, me thinks he was a mite stingy when it came to mine. I've tried every drug store brand out there as well as Clinique and Mary Kay and Vicki's Secret. But nothing, nothing meets my high standards. I picked up a tube of Maybelline's Stiletto Mascara and so far I'm loving it. The brush is great. Just a little FYI. Cooper Smith - Out!
3 comments:
Oh, I just love stories like that! It makes me feel not so dumb about the time I was a Primary chorister and wore a yellow knit dress to church one day. Mid-way through music time I realized I had forgotten to put on a bra. And I'm "well endowed". I think we had been born in the same generation, we'd have been BFFs.
Kathy and I are at that age where you go from being a 36D to a 36 Long, so her story really cracked me up!!
And I also appreciate your willingness to share those moments, it helps us all feel a bit better!
only when your pregnant do great things like that happen. the mind goes. you silly girl, do you put your make-up on like that? one side then the other???
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