Things that Boggle the Mind

I'm sorry I'm so boring lately.  I really don't have a lot going on in my life, and don't know if I wish for something to happen or not as God seems to be an equal opportunity type of Guy when it comes to good or bad blessings.  I'm not even sure if it's appropriate to call God a Guy.  Even if it's capitalized?  Anyway, we celebrated Ava's birthday recently.  Brig took pics on his iphone but I haven't had the chance to badger him to upload them to iphoto.  So I guess there's that.

Also we are the house of ill lately.  Colds and stomach bugs galore.  On Monday I was hit.  I slept for a lot of the day while Brig did dishes and got food for the girls.  I was grateful for that.  He really is a great guy.  And easy on the eyes as well which is always a bonus ;)  I was hoping I had just had some turkey gone bad, but this morning as Ava was getting ready for school she threw up.  It's now that you begin to look at your kids as ticking time bombs.  When will the next one go off?  Let's wonder together.  As we speak Ava is lying on the floor wrapped up in her Daddy's Raider blanket.  Poor thing.

Brielle is really into the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Disney channel.  She gets irate if it is not on when she wants it on.  I was watching it today wondering what type of animal Goofy is?  My first thought was dog, but he can't be a dog because Pluto is a dog and Pluto is on all fours and can only bark, while Goofy is bipedal and talks like a dope.  Well, maybe he's a cow, I thought.  After all he seems to be hot for that Annabelle and she's a cow.  So I googled it, and guess what?  He IS a dog!  What?  Do you know how confusing that is?  What happened to Goofy that he gained the ability of speech while Pluto has to express his motives through barks and tail wags?  And then there is his attraction to Annabelle.  A dog and a cow?  Well I guess anything is possible in this brave new world Walt Disney created.

I started a seasonal job at a retailer that rhymes with boys tar cuss.  I thought it would be nice to have some cash for the holidays.  Everyone in that place looks like they're twelve.  I'm telling you kids...this is the reason you stay in school.  Get your degree, don't be like me.  It is kind of fun seeing all the toys though.  I worked Black Friday and as would be expected it was nuts.  Also fun because it went so fast.  I didn't have to be on a register and it was nice to be out on the floor instead.  If you ever visit a ploys car fuss please be nice to the cashiers.  Seriously, they have to offer you like five different things and it's annoying.  Just keep saying no and be polite.  It's their crappy job.

I sometimes like to think of band names.  Not that I play an instrument or can sing, but I always wonder how people choose their band's name.  Like The Killers.  How did they come up with that?  Why not The Molesters, or The Thieves or some other morally corrupt description.  If I were in a band it would be a punk rock all girls band and we would be called Punching Butterflies.  Yes, that's what I came up with one middle of the night crying jag with Brielle when she was just months old.  I had bought Ava a butterfly balloon into Smith's for no reason other than I didn't want to hear her whine the rest of the shopping trip.  Anyhow, that night Brielle was awake for the umpteenth time and I had had it.  I got up and before calmly picking up my squalling child the butterfly balloon took a direct punch to the abdomen.  Brig, concerned for the safety of our child had gotten out of bed to follow me and had witnessed the entire ugly episode.  It was soon after I thought up the punk rock group name.  I know, brilliant right?  The other one that's been on my radar is The Angry Bowels.    Gold.  Pure gold.

Do you ever look in the mirror and try to see yourself the way other people see you?  I do.  When I look in the mirror I know what people must think based on my appearance.  A middle aged mom who's let herself go.  But inside of myself I still feel young and have dreams that have been pushed aside for the more immediate needs of my family.  Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself in the role the world has given you?  That you have given yourself?  Where do you find the balance of nurturing those around you and nurturing yourself.  I still haven't found that yet.  Most days I tell myself that this part of my life will be gone in a blink of an eye.  Will I look back and wish I had just went with it more instead of struggling against it, or will I be happy it is over?  Do I ask too many hypothetical questions?  I don't know, do I?

Today Ava asked what church Hudson goes to.  He's a neighbor boy who is in her class.  I told her that I didn't know, and maybe he didn't go to any church, because some people don't and that's okay.  She piped up and said, "That's why we came to America, Mom!  So we could go to any church we wanted to."  It's a question maybe my parents wouldn't have ever gotten from me because as a child I just assumed everyone was Mormon like me.  I recall a day in ninth grade when a friend and I were talking about testimonies.  We had just come from seminary.  The boy behind me said, "What's a testimony?"  And I remember laughing thinking he was joking.  He said, "No I'm serious.  What are you talking about?"  I didn't even try to explain it to him, I just said, "Aren't you Mormon?"  and he said, "No, I'm Catholic."  I felt stupid, but also at a loss.  I had never imagined anyone wasn't a Mormon.  I kind of turned around in my seat and tried to forget about the question.  Looking back I feel sorry for that girl who had no idea that anyone could be anything other than Mormon.  But I also feel bad for marginalizing, even if unintentionally, a fellow classmate who had moved to Utah in the past year and probably felt different as it was.  Although he seems okay.  Before I deleted my facebook account I noticed he's very into the hippie lifestyle and travels around a lot playing the didgeridoo.  He seems happy and that's all you can wish for anyone.

Anyone still reading, I'd just like to say thanks for reading.  I've always felt blessed to have wonderful friends.  Especially ones who stick it out through my long tangents.  You're the best!