I dread running errands. What I dread more is running errands for my husband. Can I pick up some light bulbs? Sure, that's easy. I'm plotting my escape strategy before I even step foot in the store of how I'll use the self-checkout and won't have to bother with any human contact. Yes, I'm one of those people. I've had far too many conversations with bored cashiers about things I really don't care about. Am I a cold heartless person for feeling this way...maybe. Am I just trying to get out the door without my daughter throwing a fit...absolutley! As I'm wielding the limosine length shopping cart shaped like a racing car my phone rings. It's my husband. I answer it knowing what it will be. "I also need 10 gauge wire blah blah blah." NOOOOOOO! Talking to a hardware sales associate about things your husband needs you to pick up is second only to talking to a mechanic about whats wrong with your car. I'm sorry. I'm not that handy. I have absolutely no interest in finding out what all half of the products in these stores are meant for. It would be like my husband getting excited about hair products or books.So I find an associate who can cut some 10 gauge wire non spliced or whatever. I keep my husband on the phone just in case. Then my husband says, "I also need a butt splice." My mouth hangs open as I try to decide if he really just said "butt splice". I guess I'm just juvenile to think that's a ridiculous name for something but I giggle and then ask him to clarify what it is he needed again. The associate smiles patiently as I quietly say into the phone, "I thought you just said butt splice..." The associate then nods his head in recognition. I honestly thought my husband was pulling my leg there, trying to get me to say something embarrassing. Butt splice? Really? Really???
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. When I worked at Lowes, ironically as a cashier (no I was not one of those cashiers. I kept the chit chat to the very minimal) I remember thinking that some of these old men were real dirty birds. I had one guy buying a bunch of plumbing supplies. He asked me how many of the "female parts" I rang up. I remember looking at him funny and then looking at my screen and sure enough it said female connectors. There were also a bunch of male connectors and that's when I knew that those plumbers were pervs. You couldn't come up with a different name than what the part looks like when reduced to it's crudest form? I wasn't surprised when a while later I rang up some nipples. Men! Add Electricians to the list with butt splice.
4 comments:
I guess I'm one of those people, too. When my husband I were laying Jeremy's hardwood floor last week, he kept referring to pieces as "male" or "female" and I wondered why he couldn't just say an "in piece" or an "out piece". Men and their one track-minds! And I prefer the self-check stations, too. I am NOT a people person!
nipples have to do with a grease gun! josh mentioned this term the other day and i was like "is that just what you call them cuz that is what they look like?!" and he is like "no thats what they are called!" haha
good thing I read Melissa's comment. I didn't know about nipples. weird. and sick and wrong. Men named them for sure! I love that you went to home depot instead of Lowe's so you wouldn't have to chat with anyone you might know. you silly girl. (you are just like me!)
That is so funny, I had to copy and paste for Tyler to read. I have always hated those names because they make me feel dirty when I have to use their names out loud. Can you imagine the smarty pants that came up with those names, bet he was so proud of himself.
Post a Comment