Time: 2:45 am
Place: Denise's bedroom
I'm slumbering peacefully after going to bed "early" at 10:30. No dumb children's songs making the rounds in my sleepless skull. No worrying about money or the future or how likely it is that my daughters bedroom is going to catch on fire by it's close proximity to the utility closet and planning my routes to her bedroom to rescue her. Just some random dreams and some much needed rest.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my lower leg. I'm instantly alert and automatically reach down to lift a stumbling child into our bed. As a general rule she has never slept with us. Except for a short period when I was nursing and I'd nurse her in bed and we'd both fall asleep and when I'd wake up the sheet would be wet and I'd be so tired I'd lay Ava back in her bassinet and lay down a towel over the wet spot and fall into a dead sleep. But other than that zombie-bessie-the-milk-cow time I have been blessed with a child that sleeps through the night and has never wanted to get into bed with us.
Now that Ava is in her big girl's bed I've worried she'd start getting out of it. She hasn't really...except for when she has colds. For some reason she wakes up and instead of staying in bed she comes into ours and demands in the voice of a dictator that is used to getting everything she has ever asked for "Rub my back, Mom!" There's been a few nights I have done this and have soothed her back to sleep while my arm feels like it's going to fall off. But I was in no mood to tango with her last night.
I've been going through a period of having a hard time falling asleep. It was so bad last week that one night I think I got 2 hours of sleep total and I kid you not I actually fantasized about making some excuse to get out of the house and go and get a hotel just so I could have a completely husband and child free night to myself just to sleep. No giraffe legs to contend with, no night breath in my face, no little child under the assumption that I'm a 24 hour masseuse. Would it be weird to plan a vacation for one? Myself. It would be, and I'd never do it because I'm too paranoid that every stranger I meet is a serial killer.
Now Brig has come in to contact with my evil middle of the night twin before, (the insistance he brush his teeth after he's vomited before he comes back to bed, the vicious kicks to the shins when he's tried to push me back onto my side of the bed, the elbow to the back when I dreamed he kissed my friend) but my sweet little innocent child has never come up against that very un-motherly persona of mine. This time when she demanded that I rub her back I told her no! As she whined I told her to go back to bed. But her pathetic tears must have broken the evil twin's will because before I knew it, the mostly nice, mostly caring mother she knew was back and asking if she needed a drink and then carrying her back to bed and tucking her in and even indulging her request for a song.
While I croaked out "You are my sunshine" I marvelled at the way this little child of mine can soften my edges. I closed the door to her room and felt my way back to bed. I then fell blissfully back into sleep with only a few neurotic thoughts plaguing my psyche. I guess that motherhood is alot like being a convenience store. But still 2:45 is not very convenient for me. Maybe that's what the clerk behind the counter thinks to themselves as well. Except those clerks are being compensated with money and big gulps. Motherhood has it's own compensations though, and I'm not talking about stretch marks and the excuse to wear sweatpants. Really though, if any of you know of a travel agency that caters to sleep deprived mothers, let me know. All I need is a cool dark room and the sound of the air conditioner going all night long.
6 comments:
who was said friend that brig kissed in your dream?! haha. would a girls weekend with a hotel roome whet your need for a vacation. or does that not sound appealing either??
So i need to know what you did to fix your insomnia. I have been an awesome sleeper until about a month and a half ago. Let me know. I love your stories. I wish i had flare or is it flair? for turning my life stories into something that people enjoy reading about. then i would write a book and be rich! bwaa haa haa. love you!
You are lucky to have a baby (little one) to sleep through the night. Makenna has pretty much never slept through the night. She is doing much better now though! :)
I think taking a vacation all by yourself is an excellent idea. I don't have the perils of motherhood, but sometimes I want nothing more than to go somewhere where no one knows me, no one talks to me, no one asks me to do anything, and I can do whatever I want. Unfortunately, I too get too freaked out about psychos. Maybe we should plan a vacation together where we pretend we don't know each other and we don't talk to each other!
You are giving voice to something most moms think about and don't dare say. When my two girls were little, I had to go on periodic business trips. I always stayed in my hotel at night and took a long bubble bath and reveled in lying in bed with no one kicking me. It was great, and I think all moms need some version of that. (I did find out later, however, that my co-workers thought I was having some ongoing torrid affair because I never went out to dinner with them. Ah, just adding to the mystique...).
I want to know which friend too!! Really, I love how you write. I love this topic, so true. even when you do want to yell and scream and tell them to leave we usually don't, why becuase we care for those little things. It's weird really, I LOVE sleeping and yet I let them interupt every night. (dallin is sleeping soooo bad right now) Men on the other hand they do not get softened by kids at night instead become more inpatient. I laughed when I read the throw-up part. I love that story it makes me laugh every time. I love you and your writing. :)
I totally think that moms should get their own private vacations! Hey thanks for coming up this weekend! We had so much fun with you and hopefully you had fun too!
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